It was sheer coincidence
that my search for something worth watching this morning ended on Sanskar
channel where actor Suresh Oberoi was in the midst of an animated discussion on
human relationships with Shivani. It appeared that someone had intruded while
the program was being shot, demanding an immediate audience with Shivani, the
young, articulate brand ambassador of Brahmakumari Foundation. Suresh Oberoi
must have felt ‘she was very irritating’ but moderated his statement to say
that it was very irritating. Shivani explained that the change was positive
since it separated the person from the act thereby implying that the age-old
saying, ‘hate the sin not the sinner’ still holds good. However, she went on to
add that our attitude needs to be refined further to put the onus of our
feelings and the resultant behavior on how we respond to situations. People
around us are comparable to stimulus, poking us to react. We often do so
aggressively annoying the other person and putting the relationship in peril.
What is desirable, according to Shivani, is not to react but to respond
positively; not losing ground to others but gaining composure over us. It does
not mean simply accepting unreasonable behavior but politely and firmly
explaining our constraints and our resolve to meet the other’s expectations
half-way. In plain words, telling the intruder we are in the middle of a shoot
and will meet you after it is over. She emphasized it is within our power to
steer a relationship toward a point where it refuses to be reactive to
external stimulus and responds, without
being judgmental, to become healthy & positive. Shivani mentioned how,
after a talk on the same subject, a woman in the audience asked when the next
event shall take place. She smilingly revealed the woman wanted to bring her
husband along. The mindset had still not changed. In order to build a strong
and equal relationship, the blame-game has to stop; instead of expecting the
other party to change, we have to begin by changing ourselves.
